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caidychaotic's favorite FMLs
by Andrew / 10/30/2012 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Jman6295 / 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by photomark / 12/13/2011 at 1:32am / United States / Health
by yum yogurt / 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by beccav23 / 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/23/2011 at 1:30am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
by John W. / 10/12/2011 at 8:37am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML
by JohnyP / 07/09/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
by Punk / 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML
by datingamoron / 02/14/2011 at 2:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the… Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw… Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you…