I'm Miranda.
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10523) - you totally deserved it (4745)
On 03/14/2010 at 10:49am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35800) - you totally deserved it (1701)
On 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36501) - you totally deserved it (3800)
On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35886) - you totally deserved it (2118)
On 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by AidenFromSweden (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36539) - you totally deserved it (2732)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm - health - by blinded (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mother texted me randomly while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27704) - you totally deserved it (1614)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Grossedouttt - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61092) - you totally deserved it (2003)
On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21183) - you totally deserved it (24536)
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you totally deserved it (6351)
On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML
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On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)
Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML
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On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML
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On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48389) - you totally deserved it (2501)
On 05/19/2009 at 4:09am - love - by SKuser (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern, where I live totally alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. Hmmm...I think, noticing that there's writing on it. I pick it up and what does it say? "You look hot when you sleep" FML
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On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)
