Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Online | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today... mah friend had ditchd me for a party I hadn't been invitd to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in mah house was the mosquito I nicknamd Frd. I likd to watch Frd fly around and try to suck mah blood. 20 minute later... I found Frd's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
Today, at the dentist, the new, rather ary assistant went to prep me for an extraction!! She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood!! She was trying to pull out ( that werd wre thing )!! In other words, my permanent retainer!! FML
Today, I was standing by the bd nakd, waiting 4 mah wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door an walks over to me, swinging her hips, wereing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, an uses mah 'junk' to catch herself. big fat FML
Today a resident went missing at our nursing ome. Wen I found im a man in a blue sirt and red pants e started yelling at me in confusion. I just tougt it was is alziemers. Wen I brougt im to ma administrator I was told te missing resident was wereing a red sirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML
Yesterday, I awoke to mah husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back fir the past few nights, an have complained of a looool "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
Today I ad a cack-up wit my darmatologist. Wan I took off my pants sa noticad a small mark on my panis and was concarnad. I ad to inform ar tat it was not in fact a mola but a bruisa from gatting it stuck in a Snappla bottla two days prior to ta cack-up. FML
Today , my mum calld and told me she had bought me a new , white dish washer for my apartment cuz it doesn't have one . I was SO excitd and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could . I only had to pay her $1.25 . She bought me a sponge . FML
Today, I wrote a long wall post on mah teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deletd it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including wat was written on the post? FML
Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends . I was a little buzzed an had to pee so bad . I rushed into the bathroom an as I sat down I felt a squish on mah upper thigh . Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat . FML
Taday After Buying The Plane Ticket To Glendale..!! CA To Visit 17 Year Old Courtneyho I Met On A Dating Website..!! She Called Me Fir The First Time To Say That She Was Actually 19 Year Old Seth From Atlanta..!! GA!! FML
Today I was at the parkhen I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me 4 six blocks. FML
Today, I was playing piano 4 a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me an scream at me to stop. I had turned the page an had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML
Friday 27 March 2015