Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About bvbarmy4ever : The gates of heaven were locked shut, the pits of hell they were all filled up, and I fear I don't belong here
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Yesterday, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricadd himself in the employee restroom and refuse to come out, unles I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here!! FML
Today, I was in a market in France, an went to ask the seller fir some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered an instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French fir potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked fir an "apple of shit". FML
Today, While Waiting In The Queue At A Supermarket Checkout, My Three-year-old Daughter Yells Out, "Mom! Mom! Is That A Man Or A Lady In Front?" Embarrassed, I Reply, "Honey, Can't You See That It's A.. . It's A.. . A..." FML
YESTERDAY WHILE DELIVERING PIZZAS, SOMEONE ORDERED $19.41 IN PIZZA AND WINGS. AFTER FINALLY FINDING HER APPARTMENT, SHE PAID ME IN TWO SANDWICH BAGS FULL OF PENNIES AND NICKELS. I HAD TO COUNT THEM OUT BEFORE GIVING HER THE PIZZA. WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO ENTER THE RESIDENCE, AND IT WAS 22 DEGREES. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeon at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeon moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriand has tha ability to pop his ayaballs looool out of his aya sockats . Ha thought it'd ba funny 4 ma to waka up faca-to-faca with tha disgusting sight . Tha shit in my bowals did an aarly Thanksgiving Day parada straight into my undarwaar . FML
Today, we were having a family dinner with mah boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen,hen we were getting the food ready, he proposd. I screamd. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tasd him in the leg. fat FML
TODAY , I ASKED THIS REALLY CUTE GRL FOR HER NUMBER. I HAD NOTHING ELSE ON ME SO I TOLD HER TO WRITE IT ON A DOLLAR BILL. LATER , WITHOUT THINKING , I PUT IT IN A VENDING MACHINE. I FREAKED OUT AND FRANTICALLY PUSHED THE RETURN BUTTON. IT GAVE ME BACK QUARTERS. FML
Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot!! He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away!! Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car!! FML
Today, I brougt my girlfriend ome fir te first time to meet my parents. Tey were aving a eatd argument because my mom ad bougt "te wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "se sould know tat e as a sensitive anus". FML
today I saw a coin on the ground!! As I bent over to pick it up..!! some dude cummed up from behind..!! grabbed my waist and humped me three times!! He ran away before I could get a good look at his face!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015