Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

bvbarmy4ever

Search for a member

bvbarmy4ever

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 243
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About bvbarmy4ever : The gates of heaven were locked shut, the pits of hell they were all filled up, and I fear I don't belong here

bvbarmy4ever's page activity

Visits<b>that_dancer13</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 2:24pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 10:09pm<b>ervnomyous</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 8:18pm<b>blackhorizons</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 7:44pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 4:49pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 6:15am<b>stclair01</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 10:43am<b>XxOtakuDemonxX</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 1:55am<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 12/24/2013 at 2:48am<b>WhiteCrimson</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 2:35am<b>strangenesslover</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 12:21pm<b>carelessxdanger</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 3:53am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 7:09pm<b>person5546</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 12:58am<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 11:02pm<b>lexxiasaurus</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 9:17pm<b>Thomas6792</b> - the 07/22/2013 at 1:46am

bvbarmy4ever's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of bvbarmy4ever's badges

bvbarmy4ever's favorite FMLs

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

#20976643
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46260) - you deserved it (2807)

On 12/01/2013 at 2:42am - work - by JudasThePriest (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

#20952990
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41398) - you deserved it (3765)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

#20948659
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45079) - you deserved it (4112)

On 11/07/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Grandson - United States (California)

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

#20841540
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57740) - you deserved it (6715)

On 08/17/2013 at 10:18am - love - by why - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

#20793573
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40356) - you deserved it (9791)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by imawesomeokay (woman) - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47913) - you deserved it (9974)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

#20737996
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40103) - you deserved it (3590)

On 06/20/2013 at 10:17pm - misc - by just trying to be nice (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47851) - you deserved it (3356)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51007) - you deserved it (8864)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: