Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

bvbarmy4ever

Search for a member

bvbarmy4ever

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 368
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About bvbarmy4ever : The gates of heaven were locked shut, the pits of hell they were all filled up, and I fear I don't belong here

bvbarmy4ever's page activity

Visits<b>saymynamess</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 7:31pm<b>that_dancer13</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 2:24pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 10:09pm<b>ervnomyous</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 8:18pm<b>blackhorizons</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 7:44pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 4:49pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 6:15am<b>stclair01</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 10:43am<b>XxOtakuDemonxX</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 1:55am<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 12/24/2013 at 2:48am<b>WhiteCrimson</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 2:35am<b>strangenesslover</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 12:21pm<b>carelessxdanger</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 3:53am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 7:09pm<b>person5546</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 12:58am<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 11:02pm<b>lexxiasaurus</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 9:17pm<b>Thomas6792</b> - the 07/22/2013 at 1:46am

bvbarmy4ever's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of bvbarmy4ever's badges

bvbarmy4ever's favorite FMLs

Yesterday, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricadd himself in the employee restroom and refuse to come out, unles I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here!! FML

Today, I was in a market in France, an went to ask the seller fir some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered an instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French fir potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked fir an "apple of shit". FML

YESTERDAY WHILE DELIVERING PIZZAS, SOMEONE ORDERED $19.41 IN PIZZA AND WINGS. AFTER FINALLY FINDING HER APPARTMENT, SHE PAID ME IN TWO SANDWICH BAGS FULL OF PENNIES AND NICKELS. I HAD TO COUNT THEM OUT BEFORE GIVING HER THE PIZZA. WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO ENTER THE RESIDENCE, AND IT WAS 22 DEGREES. FML

#20976643
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47476) - you deserved it (2918)

On 12/01/2013 at 2:42am - work - by JudasThePriest (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as always, my boyfriand has tha ability to pop his ayaballs looool out of his aya sockats . Ha thought it'd ba funny 4 ma to waka up faca-to-faca with tha disgusting sight . Tha shit in my bowals did an aarly Thanksgiving Day parada straight into my undarwaar . FML

#20952990
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41520) - you deserved it (3775)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I watced as my grandma beat te sit out of my dad at te zoo. FML

#20948659
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46502) - you deserved it (4262)

On 11/07/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Grandson - United States (California)

Today, mah mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around mah neck . My sister added that it was God's frst attempt to kill me off . big fat FML

Today, we were having a family dinner with mah boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen,hen we were getting the food ready, he proposd. I screamd. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tasd him in the leg. fat FML

#20841540
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57884) - you deserved it (6726)

On 08/17/2013 at 10:18am - love - by why - United States (Tennessee)

TODAY , I ASKED THIS REALLY CUTE GRL FOR HER NUMBER. I HAD NOTHING ELSE ON ME SO I TOLD HER TO WRITE IT ON A DOLLAR BILL. LATER , WITHOUT THINKING , I PUT IT IN A VENDING MACHINE. I FREAKED OUT AND FRANTICALLY PUSHED THE RETURN BUTTON. IT GAVE ME BACK QUARTERS. FML

Today, I went to watc a movie. In te middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's soulder. He was caressing ma air. real FML

#20793573
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41559) - you deserved it (9997)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by imawesomeokay (woman) - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, I found cat dead on te road. I called family and told tem, and later buried te cat. Not long after I got done burying it, cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. mega FML

#20757856
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48012) - you deserved it (9990)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot!! He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away!! Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car!! FML

#20737996
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40232) - you deserved it (3596)

On 06/20/2013 at 10:17pm - misc - by just trying to be nice (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I brougt my girlfriend ome fir te first time to meet my parents. Tey were aving a eatd argument because my mom ad bougt "te wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "se sould know tat e as a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47986) - you deserved it (3368)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

today I saw a coin on the ground!! As I bent over to pick it up..!! some dude cummed up from behind..!! grabbed my waist and humped me three times!! He ran away before I could get a good look at his face!! FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51991) - you deserved it (8988)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: