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burtonemily

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burtonemily

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 14 June 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 238
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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burtonemily's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

#19543963
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22887) - you deserved it (3930)

On 04/28/2012 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Elise - United States

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

#19521311
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9590) - you deserved it (23937)

On 04/24/2012 at 10:03am - intimacy - by mmmtortilla (woman) - Spain (Pais Vasco)

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML

Today, the mouse trap I set in my kitchen worked. I caught a snake. FML

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7668) - you deserved it (35797)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

#19392856
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25392) - you deserved it (1980)

On 04/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML

#19376505
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31339) - you deserved it (2619)

On 03/30/2012 at 2:28pm - kids - by MDWilde (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

#19339919
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15577) - you deserved it (3270)

On 03/24/2012 at 5:07pm - health - by Stephen (man) - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

#19324348
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25021) - you deserved it (6112)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

#19320311
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9963) - you deserved it (61277)

On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25136) - you deserved it (7712)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

#19180967
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (2167)

On 02/28/2012 at 7:46am - animals - by JeffeeBojangles - United States (Texas)

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

#19157991
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29913) - you deserved it (2136)

On 02/25/2012 at 12:36am - misc - by Samm Povich - United States



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