"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone."
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26455) - you totally deserved it (63831)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38257) - you totally deserved it (24115)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by emilyxoxoxo - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (199946) - you totally deserved it (31703)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31726) - you totally deserved it (1975)
On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44581) - you totally deserved it (2822)
On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)
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