Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

buonotomato

Offline (the 06/02/2015 at 7:28am) | Search for a member

buonotomato

3Fucked!

buonotomatobuonotomato
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 21 March 1998 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 676
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About buonotomato : Uh... Hi. I'm here because the little sadistic part of me enjoys laughing at other people's misfortunes.

buonotomato's page activity

Visits<b>wondercat40</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 10:49pm<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 8:43am<b>LambientLight</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 8:57pm<b>swanheart</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 6:51pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 4:14pm<b>commanderstiff</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 9:58am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 5:12pm<b>Feijai</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 11:31pm<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:11am<b>xninix</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 1:35am<b>packrat</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 11:41pm<b>zingline89</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 10:46pm<b>DaBayst</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 10:45am<b>AutisticAbyss</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 10:43am<b>TaylorWhiteGirl</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 9:05am<b>LordGoober</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 8:51am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 7:22am<b>delicatesmile11</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 1:28am

Fucked!<b>swanheart</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:01pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 10:14pm<b>packrat</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 11:34pm

buonotomato's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of buonotomato's badges

buonotomato's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30019) - you deserved it (5133)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53898) - you deserved it (15040)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

#18785732
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21932) - you deserved it (36111)

On 01/12/2012 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Duplighost (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51395) - you deserved it (8225)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

#13715432
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30582) - you deserved it (5315)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

#4180457
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50894) - you deserved it (5789)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57984) - you deserved it (8239)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (169694) - you deserved it (8524)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: