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bug420

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bug420

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  • Number of visits : 124
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bug420's favorite FMLs

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21877) - you deserved it (5986)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27019) - you deserved it (2216)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48201) - you deserved it (3432)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

#19040540
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7376) - you deserved it (24245)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

#18344232
500 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48785) - you deserved it (5912)

On 11/25/2011 at 3:20am - misc - by nicoreal89 - United States (Texas)

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

#17984134
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29299) - you deserved it (5988)

On 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by myasshurts - United States (Michigan)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44987) - you deserved it (5042)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

#17973373
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30470) - you deserved it (1917)

On 10/13/2011 at 4:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

#17965176
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24788) - you deserved it (3754)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:14am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

#17868500
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20157) - you deserved it (2501)

On 09/30/2011 at 12:50am - work - by nearlythere - Australia

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

#17672212
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29071) - you deserved it (3000)

On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

#16892674
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41776) - you deserved it (3754)

On 06/28/2011 at 2:39am - intimacy - by girlshavepenises (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33779) - you deserved it (8855)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

#4478498
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51788) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)



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