About bryan21122112 : Don't be ignorant and I won't have a reason to dislike you.
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bryan21122112's favorite FMLs
by ghost? / 12/16/2012 at 3:31am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 2:27am / United States / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
by Steve / 12/16/2012 at 1:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:06pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:03pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Transportation
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 10:55am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by elphi / 12/15/2012 at 1:11am / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
by mandybar15 / 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
by theslutmuncher / 12/14/2012 at 6:20pm / Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Work
Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2012 at 6:12pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous
Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML
by fuckmyassimcold / 12/14/2012 at 2:19pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture…