About bryan21122112 : Don't be ignorant and I won't have a reason to dislike you.
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bryan21122112's favorite FMLs
by fml / 07/29/2012 at 8:20am / Japan (Saitama) / Kids
by ellieowenie / 07/29/2012 at 4:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML
by clayton / 07/27/2012 at 8:30pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health
Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
by Uncircumcised Penis / 07/24/2012 at 5:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML
by klanciee / 07/15/2012 at 10:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous
by Ian Artis / 07/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States / Work
by failure / 07/12/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
by Concert Flatulent / 07/10/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML
by wetandnaked / 07/09/2012 at 3:06am / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…