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About bryan21122112 : Don't be ignorant and I won't have a reason to dislike you.
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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, as usual, mah cat was sleeping on mah stomach!! I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately pickd him up and puttd him down next to me!! He got up, hoppd back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on mah stomach!! I didn't dare move all night!! FML
Today , I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect , who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him , my mind went totally blank , and after a few seconds , he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
Today... I came home to find mah girlfriend crying. Concerned... I quickly asked herhat was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understandhy her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet... and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now... but 4 entirely different reasons. FML
Today...hile having sex with my grlfriend on the bathroom floor... I felt something tickle my balls. I lookd back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my frst threesome. FML
Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of mah boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well u found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML
Today, after 3 yeres with mah dream grl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit an everything, by the park bench where we had our frst kiss. She cummed home tred and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML
Today, while talking to one of mah parents friends, we discoverd that the house he grew up in is the same house mah boyfriend now lives in. When he recalld that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, ( Oh mah gosh, I lost mah virginity there! ) mega FML
Today at a house party I finally got the guy I've been seieng alone in his room. We startd making out and I got on top of him to take control. He respondd by saying he couldn't do it because he needd to go make looool pizza 4 his friends and then boltd out of the room. mega FML
Today.. . my girlfriend an I decidd to try a new place to eat . On our way home we both had upset stomachs . As we racd into the house we realizd niether of us could hold it any longer . Having only one bathroom.. . I let her go first . She explodd on the toilet an I explodd in my pants . FML
yesterday my dad askd me when I was going to start looking 4 a job !! Jokingly, I told him next year !! He got pissd, startd to yell, then realizd Tuesday is New Year's Day an groundd me 4 "bieng a dumbass." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, ( I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's. ) FML
Today, I Trid To Be Cute By Sitting On Top Of Boyfriend's Belly . While Getting On Top, I Accidentally Kned Him In His Nuts . In Pain, He Joltd His Head Up And Endd Up Banging His Head Against Mine . Now I Have A Black Eye And He Can't Walk Without Waddling . FML
Friday 27 March 2015