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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today... I was flrting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated... and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said... "Your nuts!" She meant... "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
Yesterday, I set AIM statu to be the currently-playing file on iTunes . I've downloaded a lot of porn to iTunes, and I wanted to watch some . My statu changed to ( Grl in Latex gets fucked in the ass . ) FML
Today, I cummed home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read ( Because you can't find a real girl, I made yur current one prettier, Love Mom. ) FML
Today, I was talking to mah guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said ( Well, u could always ask me. ) I then said ( Do u want to go to prom with me? ) His response was ( Nope...now that's 8! ) FML
Today, one of co-workers invited me to a cookout at her house with some other people from new job. She said to wear suit. Assuming she had a pool, I showed up in a bikini, only to fine everyone else wearing business attire an staring at me like I had lost mind. FML
Yesterday I Decided To Have Sex 4 The First Time With Boyfriend. It Was His First Time Too. While In Bed, He Blankly Stopped And Stood Up And Got Out A Piece Of Paper From His Pockets. Turns Out, He Had Written Instruction On Wat To Do While In Bed, And Forgot Wat He Had To Do Next. FML
Today, it was really cold and windy and I startd mah car before work. I lockd the front door of mah house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all mah hair got shut in mah lockd front door... with mah keys in mah car's ignition. FML
Yesterday, My Guy Friend And I Were In His Dorm Room Watching A Movie When He Started Kissing Me. Thing Heated Up So We Moved Thing Over To His Bed. He Was On Me When A Hand Shoot Down From His Top Bunk. His Roommate Had Been Up There The Whole Time And He Wanted A High-five. So They High-fived. FML
Today, Mah Boyfriend Broke Up With Me. I Cried And Told Him That I Loved Him. He Gave Me A Quarter And Told Me To Call Someone Who Cared. I Threw The Quarter In His Face And Ran. I Waited For The Bus, But When I Got On, I Realized I Was 25 Cents Short Of The Fare. I Walked Home In The Rain. FML
Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade fir a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but u should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typd in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML
Friday 27 March 2015