brittdeshae

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Offline (the 05/05/2016 at 5:51am)

brittdeshae

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  • Number of visits : 312
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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brittdeshae's favorite FMLs

Today, my now fully vaccinated puppy went to a restaurant for the first time. They allow clean, well-behaved dogs. He threw up everywhere from excitement. FML

by Pupluv183 / 05/02/2016 at 12:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 12:56am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

by Why / 04/24/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

by sigh / 04/12/2016 at 10:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML

by bruised / 04/11/2016 at 3:26am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

by xXWhiteSheepXx / 04/07/2016 at 10:28pm / United States (Nebraska) / Animals

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

by ciammmm / 04/07/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

by Koko / 04/07/2016 at 12:07pm / Germany (Berlin) / Animals

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

by Stingraybeemonster / 04/07/2016 at 4:51am / Thailand / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays

Today, my boyfriend's parents decided that I was untrustworthy and that if they ever saw him with me he'd be heavily punished. They're travelling hundreds of miles just to make sure he stays in the house and doesn't talk to me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 7:43pm / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Love

Today, I came home from work to find my grandmother in my living room, demanding to know where I'd been all day. I'm 22 and live by myself. She stole my mother's emergency key to get in. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 9:43am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 2:53am / United States (Maryland) / Love