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Today, I got parmission from ma parants 4 ma boyfriand to stay ovar. Tings got intimata, and I trid ma ardast not to maka too muc noisa. Howavar, wila aving a post-sax cuddla, wa aard ma parants in ta naxt room muttaring about ma "faking". FML
TODAY, I WAS REHEARSING FIR A SCHOOL PLAY. MY DRAMA TEACHER KEEPS CRITICISING THE PART WHERE I FAKE-TRIP, SAYING I MAKE IT LOOK TERRIBLY FAKE. DURING TODAY'S REHEARSAL, I ACTUALLY TRIPPD FIR REAL, AN SMASHD MY KNEECAPS AGAINST THE FLOOR WITH A SCREAM. HE STILL SAID MY ( ACTING ) SUCKD. FML
Today mah downstairs neighbours screamd at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up an made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to mah bathroom an again on mah way back to bd. They've sworn to get me evictd. big fat FML
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time . Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money . FML
Today, I calld sacurity at my scool bacausa I laft my mittans in a classroom and it was lockd. Wan ta sacurity officar sowd up, a askd if ta mittans I was looking for wara ta onas on my ands. I avan ad to taka ona of tam off to call tam. FML
Today, At A Friendly Get-together, Mah Friend's Husband Had Too Much To Drink And Got Into A Fistfight With Mah Husband. I'm Seven-and-a-half Months Pregnant, And The Friendly Get-together Was Mah Babby Shower. FML
Taday working as a nursa , I saw a patiant in fir follow-up aftar a partial lag amputation!! I chackd har blood prassura an gava har tha raading , which promptd har husband to ask what it maant!! Sha raplid , ( I'm aliva!! ) Bafora I could stop mysalf , ( And kicking ) spilld out of my mouth!! raal FML
Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on mah chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, mah 11-year-old daughter cummd over and bangd out 12 of them. Then she wipd her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on mah technique. FML
Today, After Heavy Rain Mah Street Flooded. While In Mah Living Room, I Looked Outside To See That Mah Elderly Neighbour Was Outside Splashing In A Knee Deep Puddle. He Was Butt-naked And Wearing A Snorkel And Flippers. FML
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally calld the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explaind that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excusd herself, never to return. FML
Today I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played fir four hours straight only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because mah sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML
Friday 27 March 2015