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Today, I Walked Ome From A Guy's Dorm Early In Te Morning, Still Wearing Ma Dress And Eels From Te Nigt Before . I Walked By A Moter And Er Little Daugter, Wo Said "Mommy, Wy Is Se So Dressed Up So Early In Te Morning?" And Te Mom Replied "Because Oney, Se Makes Bad Decisions." FML
Today hile babysitting the oldest little girlho is 7 went through my purse!! She pulld out a half empty bottle of lube!! She askedhat it was and I told her lotion!! I went to the bathroom andhen I cummd out the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids coverd in lube!! Then their mom cummd home!! FML
Today... I was home alone tanning in my backyardhich is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there 4 awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package cuz nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry... he'd seen better. FML
Today, I Turnd On My Camera To Find Pictures Of My Dad's Secretary Giving Him A Blowjob. Minutes Later, I Hear A Scream From Another Room As My 12-year-old Sister Discovers Similar Pictures On HER Camera. Mom An Dad Say It's No Big Deal. FML
Taday I drunkenly buried ma girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later se asked to see it and cummed back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of te dirt. mega FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She hered and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, I got in a huga fight with mah mom!! So, I want to mah room an lockd mysalf in thara an playd loud music so I didn't hava to haar har!! Sha than dacidas to yall at ma ovar facabook!! Shortly aftar, I looool log out of Facabook!! Sha than starts yalling at ma on Yahoo!! Damn tachnology!! FML
Today , I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother looool walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later , I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
Today, I promised mah best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago)!! After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude!! FML
Today, I dressed in mah sexiest cloths to meet mah new boyfriend at a restaurant . As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outsidehile I waited . The restaurant owner cummed out and said, "Hey, you . Go and 'work somewhere else, please." FML
Friday 27 March 2015