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Today...hile walking to mah car after work... I witnessd some moronho was textinghile riding her bike running right into mah parkd car... resulting in a broken side mrror... a damagd windshield... two dents... an 4 her... a broken phone an nose. She's threatening to sue me 4 damages.
I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying . Suddenly.. . I had to poop worse than I ever had to in mah entire life . The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking mah tireshile I let out the entire contents of mah bowels onto the road . FML
Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling wit some boxes . Te seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins . Wen we got to er apartment, se tanked me an introduced me to er boyfriend . FML
Today... I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend... when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her... and still refuse to talk to me. FML
Today, I got servd paperwork stating that mah ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 yeres ago, I provd via DNA testing within looool the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in mah future. FML
Today, I was chatting with a co-workar, and sha mantionad sha has troubla swallowing pills. I rapliad that I'm lucky, bacausa I hava naxt to no gag raflax. Half tha guys at tha othar ragistars abruptly want silant, and I'm now baing constantly hit on. FML
Today, mah daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
TODAY, I HAD TO BUY GROCERIESHILE SUFFERING HORRIBLE MORNING SICKNESS. MY NAUSEA MAGNIFIED AS I STOOD IN LINE BEHIND AN OBESE LADY WEARING A TANK TOP AND TINY SHORT SHORTS. I LOST EVERYTHING IN MY STOMACHHEN SHE STUCK HER HAND DOWN HER SHORTS AND STARTED SCRATCHING AT HER ASS-CRACK. FML
Today, it was mah first day at school in the United States . Being from France, mah French accent is really strong . After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal . I was so excited an said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML
Today, our claaning lady's son cama to our looool housa claiming that his mothar had diad of a haart attack !! Wa gava him har antira month's salary as wall as soma axtra monay !! A faw hours latar, our claaning lady turnad up fir work !! Turns out sha doasn't hava a son !! FML
Friday 27 March 2015