Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

brewmastergbrewmasterg
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 December 1991 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5200
  • Number of comments : 131
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>justinsoren</b> - 9 hours ago<b>Headcrab</b> - 12 hours ago<b>HairIsEverything</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 1:45pm<b>medic8</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 4:54am<b>ohishkabibble</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 11:57pm<b>dawood_k</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 8:12am<b>PePziNL</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 8:28pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 5:47pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 3:50pm<b>tj4234</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:38pm<b>Al3xv3l92</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 12:32pm<b>HunterHimself</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 12:04pm<b>Ghosty546</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 11:14am<b>LiveLifeAllDay</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 10:52am<b>mmmmmk</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 5:20am<b>GoodOptions</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 2:52am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 12:40pm<b>MrDonSalvetti</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 9:04am

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

#7767397
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23458) - you deserved it (3119)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:27am - animals - by Jammy238 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

#7609495
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30005) - you deserved it (3790)

On 01/27/2010 at 9:05am - misc - by samantha (woman) - Singapore

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

#7571238
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25824) - you deserved it (6050)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:46pm - health - by Thorin (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

#7565920
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17098) - you deserved it (2180)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - intimacy - by emergency (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

#7390812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28874) - you deserved it (8531)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:37am - work - by mikey09 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

#7179468
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47203) - you deserved it (2244)

On 01/06/2010 at 9:55am - misc - by driver (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

#7090975
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22212) - you deserved it (3401)

On 01/01/2010 at 9:45pm - misc - by shoes (woman) - United States

Today, when I was unpacking all of my stuff, my parents declared that they are going to live in Australia, and have found me a 'friend'. I am a 14 year old girl at boarding school, and my friend is my new foster mum. FML

#7086130
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44937) - you deserved it (2446)

On 01/01/2010 at 5:07pm - work - by manksy (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

#6999302
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38632) - you deserved it (4471)

On 12/28/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

#6990979
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26352) - you deserved it (3571)

On 12/28/2009 at 10:14am - work - by kawaiixalice (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83957) - you deserved it (4752)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12244) - you deserved it (25252)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

#6949420
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39471) - you deserved it (2205)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

#6880463
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25724) - you deserved it (4262)

On 12/22/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

#6856689
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8231) - you deserved it (30668)

On 12/20/2009 at 11:23pm - misc - by itstillhurts (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: