Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Online | Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4377
  • Number of comments : 120
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>starcaller17</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 1:53am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 9:49pm<b>DeathcoreDoge</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 10:19pm<b>totallybananas</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 6:34am<b>TheDarkKnight34</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:19am<b>ironhead</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 6:01pm<b>CoGhostRider</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 5:34pm<b>colton_colton</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 9:04pm<b>mybarra6</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 10:07am<b>Mindset</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 12:44am<b>olivetree172</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 5:27pm<b>Rajafashaneshi</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 4:36pm<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:37am<b>Mads_1234</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:42pm<b>PotatoUnicorn</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:10am<b>timotay89</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:12pm<b>PassiveAggresive</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 6:04pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:39pm

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

#5890926
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45017) - you deserved it (2503)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:34am - love - by Ryanissaur (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26771) - you deserved it (3072)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

#5774504
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52934) - you deserved it (26868)

On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by oxjessiiox (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7518) - you deserved it (107066)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

#5757165
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7085) - you deserved it (65226)

On 10/10/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by horniness (man) - Hong Kong

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

#5586348
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40445) - you deserved it (5181)

On 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by dumbass (man) - United States (Pennsylvania) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

#5582438
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36418) - you deserved it (6106)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:25am - animals - by unloved (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

#5544276
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29809) - you deserved it (5655)

On 09/29/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by User06606 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

#5542217
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15037) - you deserved it (34985)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

#5525122
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38318) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

#5522422
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66731) - you deserved it (9021)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:15am - misc - by ripfluffy (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

#5522112
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38113) - you deserved it (4726)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:41am - animals - by Heww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

#5494730
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48528) - you deserved it (3755)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, the gas station right in front of my apartment had people listening to loud music all night. I have this 3 hour test at 7:30am and didn't get any sleep. Worst of all, here in Brazil, calling the police won't help a thing. Instead of actually helping, they'll stop and join the party. FML

#5462375
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38023) - you deserved it (2901)

On 09/25/2009 at 4:33am - misc - by stupidpolicia (woman) - Brazil (Distrito Federal)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
454 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60657) - you deserved it (5282)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: