Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Online | Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4721
  • Number of comments : 121
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>officiallatina</b> - 6 hours ago<b>SkittlesGoRawr</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 10:48pm<b>mysteryguy3039</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 8:03am<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 4:24am<b>tallwhiteguy96</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:59am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 1:00pm<b>xLIGHTS</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 3:16pm<b>AmericaAmurka</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 3:40pm<b>Deadpool47</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 9:12am<b>starcaller17</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 1:07am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 9:49pm<b>DeathcoreDoge</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 10:19pm<b>totallybananas</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 6:34am<b>TheDarkKnight34</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:19am<b>ironhead</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 6:01pm<b>CoGhostRider</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 5:34pm<b>colton_colton</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 9:04pm<b>mybarra6</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 10:07am

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29766) - you deserved it (2636)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

#6367890
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25296) - you deserved it (3420)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15280) - you deserved it (28105)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

#6321583
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30242) - you deserved it (3517)

On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

#6281731
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30980) - you deserved it (8461)

On 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm - kids - by snapped (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I started talking to a friend about how he needs to stop overreacting and getting angry very easily. He kicked sand up in the air, and it came back into his eyes. He started getting angry, and when I told him this is what I was talking about, he hit me in the nose. FML

#6268731
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26486) - you deserved it (6766)

On 11/12/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by angrymadman3542342 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

#6036159
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33309) - you deserved it (7113)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to the post office and as I entered the building my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

#5968362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8905) - you deserved it (34408)

On 10/24/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by kiran - United States (California)

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

#5890926
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45051) - you deserved it (2505)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:34am - love - by Ryanissaur (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26805) - you deserved it (3076)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

#5774504
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52961) - you deserved it (26880)

On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by oxjessiiox (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7529) - you deserved it (107162)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

#5757165
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7090) - you deserved it (65285)

On 10/10/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by horniness (man) - Hong Kong

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

#5586348
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40479) - you deserved it (5186)

On 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by dumbass (man) - United States (Pennsylvania) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

#5582438
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36454) - you deserved it (6108)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:25am - animals - by unloved (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: