Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Online | Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4861
  • Number of comments : 122
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - 12 hours ago<b>mysteryguy3039</b> - 18 hours ago<b>Dro23</b> - 20 hours ago<b>iamnova66</b> - 23 hours ago<b>toomanyidiots</b> - yesterday at 3:25am<b>Uglyfeet</b> - yesterday at 9:54am<b>Brandon1337</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 10:36pm<b>FrankHotpants</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:55pm<b>jake238</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 11:37pm<b>Just_A_Tree</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 6:15pm<b>adamrjprice</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 9:10am<b>officiallatina</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 1:20am<b>SkittlesGoRawr</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 10:48pm<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 4:24am<b>tallwhiteguy96</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:59am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 1:00pm<b>xLIGHTS</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 3:16pm<b>AmericaAmurka</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 3:40pm

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

#16605766
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42258) - you deserved it (3225)

On 06/11/2011 at 2:09am - misc - by Mirorbo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

#16591956
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31303) - you deserved it (12101)

On 06/10/2011 at 5:57am - kids - by Rachel (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

#16574286
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29931) - you deserved it (5408)

On 06/09/2011 at 3:20am - animals - by CatLady (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

#16548173
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38623) - you deserved it (10472)

On 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Punk (man) - United States

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

#16522154
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43192) - you deserved it (3592)

On 06/05/2011 at 11:29pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

#16519347
463 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10531) - you deserved it (117072)

On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

#16341227
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9390) - you deserved it (32545)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by anonymous - Singapore

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
502 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12207) - you deserved it (220267)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

#16256468
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35914) - you deserved it (3024)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by blue. -

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20265) - you deserved it (60877)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

#16076552
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34710) - you deserved it (11009)

On 05/07/2011 at 9:25am - intimacy - by lawl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML

#16010134
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46510) - you deserved it (3349)

On 05/01/2011 at 9:05pm - love - by exnotwelcome19 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

#15855605
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19133) - you deserved it (29537)

On 04/20/2011 at 4:10am - work - by bham boy -

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

#15833093
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58494) - you deserved it (4399)

On 04/18/2011 at 11:09am - work - by davka -

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

#15811934
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25373) - you deserved it (10330)

On 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: