Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

brewmasterg

Online | Search for a member

brewmasterg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4102
  • Number of comments : 119
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About brewmasterg : Fuck food, I'd rather have tattoos.

brewmasterg's page activity

Visits<b>Mindset</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 12:44am<b>olivetree172</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 5:27pm<b>Rajafashaneshi</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 4:36pm<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:37am<b>Mads_1234</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:42pm<b>PotatoUnicorn</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:10am<b>timotay89</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:12pm<b>PassiveAggresive</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 6:04pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:39pm<b>inner_peace</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:47am<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:36pm<b>zBerryz</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 2:19am<b>Sweet_Visions</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:17am<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 5:10am<b>blazerman</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 5:44am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 12:14am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 12:18pm<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 10:16pm

brewmasterg's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of brewmasterg's badges

brewmasterg's favorite FMLs

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

#20566302
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42569) - you deserved it (3570) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm - love - by Badam - France (Aquitaine)

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

#20559804
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41535) - you deserved it (2470)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Soph (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

#20559802
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30417) - you deserved it (2292)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - work - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30860) - you deserved it (5840)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31844) - you deserved it (2798)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

#20545430
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15929) - you deserved it (57675) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Centre)

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34789) - you deserved it (5490)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

#20538776
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30690) - you deserved it (3560)

On 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

#20538066
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48261) - you deserved it (5988)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm - kids - by Amanda - Canada

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20472) - you deserved it (59842)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

#20526714
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27681) - you deserved it (4240)

On 03/01/2013 at 8:20am - misc - by Headache - United States

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16182) - you deserved it (34568)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55044) - you deserved it (4421) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, two days before I'm due to fly out to Russia on my first vacation, I caught my extremely over-protective mother trying to force the family dog to eat my passport. FML

#20518765
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30648) - you deserved it (1929)

On 02/23/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Aluksnes)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: