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breaksprinter_

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breaksprinter_
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 31073
  • Number of comments : 108
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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breaksprinter_'s favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

#112379
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76096) - you deserved it (17514)

On 02/23/2009 at 8:14am - intimacy - by Anonn (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26746) - you deserved it (75916)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

#70419
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22355) - you deserved it (54288)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

#70124
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23973) - you deserved it (49706)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by swtkiss1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

#69948
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49115) - you deserved it (20085)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by sadguy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

#64211
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55461) - you deserved it (17799)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by skeletor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

#61152
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39130) - you deserved it (7877)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by KS (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

#55146
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44636) - you deserved it (5973)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by manda (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38678) - you deserved it (5034)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

#2899
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27738) - you deserved it (8703)

On 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by ottawaaa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14818) - you deserved it (65961)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38846) - you deserved it (2982)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51487) - you deserved it (6997)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

#1585
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16216) - you deserved it (32468)

On 01/18/2009 at 11:30am - intimacy - by f__k_it - United States (Oregon)

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

#1468
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7817) - you deserved it (31404)

On 01/17/2009 at 3:40pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)



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