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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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brantzilch

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brantzilch
  • Town/Country : Washington, uSA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 10 August 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 415
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 36 posted

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Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man 'discretely' jerking it. FML

#9152447 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (25573) - you deserved it (2833)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:12am - intimacy - by today -

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

#9070657 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (7136) - you deserved it (22762)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:56am - love - by allennn - Sent from mobile version

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

#9070560 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (16817) - you deserved it (7203)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:49am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

#8446049 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (21562) - you deserved it (3315)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend joined a group on Facebook called 'Swallow. Or it's going in your eye.' Today I also found out that my boyfriend takes Facebook groups very seriously. FML

#8439216 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (12738) - you deserved it (2845)

On 02/19/2010 at 9:27am - intimacy - by kit_kat14 (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said,"Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

#8433331 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (18174) - you deserved it (2041)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (26950) - you deserved it (2204)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

#7966871 (28)

I agree, your life sucks (15949) - you deserved it (1321)

On 02/07/2010 at 7:31am - misc - by wallbanger - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

#7898560 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (7504) - you deserved it (19898)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:33am - health - by Holly - United States

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

#7782568 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (26834) - you deserved it (6692)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by kaitlynn - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML

#7782514 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (22492) - you deserved it (3933)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by boner (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

#7608108 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (27922) - you deserved it (2084)

On 01/27/2010 at 5:20am - misc - by Sundendako (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

#7100685 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (11633) - you deserved it (4298)

On 01/02/2010 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Lonely (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at work a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her. So I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

#6934352 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (4887) - you deserved it (33467)

On 12/25/2009 at 3:10am - work - by harrassment101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

#6933189 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (3306)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by hahasuckit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)