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brandonlee69's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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brandonlee69's favorite FMLs
Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML
by tommy / 12/20/2011 at 5:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
by Ryan / 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by NinjaWafflesx / 12/15/2011 at 10:20am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 12/15/2011 at 2:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 3:26pm / United States / Love
by reallyman__639 / 12/13/2011 at 7:26am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 8:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 6:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love
Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 8:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…