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brandonlee69's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
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brandonlee69's favorite FMLs
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
by LoveGlove / 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML
by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by :( / 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm / Algeria / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML
by Ginger_Gawd / 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
by FML / 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous
by fuckadaisical / 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
by NOKHAN / 10/25/2013 at 1:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML
by oldshitnewshit / 10/22/2013 at 5:11pm / United States / Work
by Michelle / 10/17/2013 at 7:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML
by MarissaKayleen / 08/12/2013 at 6:06am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
by Msmerfner / 08/03/2013 at 4:40am / United States (California) / Love
by RayneWolf13 / 07/31/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money
Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML
by Anonymous / 06/20/2013 at 12:54pm / Pakistan (Punjab) / Animals
- Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…