Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 09/13/2015 at 2:20am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1462
  • Number of comments : 886
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

About brandoneyez1 : favorite quote;

"If you're not laughing, you're not living."

I love reading FML and sharing the misfortunes of every day life. I think it proves we are fallible and can find humor in many situations. The best part of FML is we all have our moments.

I'm running low on fucks to give. Feel free to message me. I may have an extra fuck or two stashed away ;)
Feel free to message me.

brandoneyez1's page activity

Visits<b>missa8604</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 1:17am<b>peeta0330</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:27pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 11:15pm<b>chrissy0</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 8:36am<b>constipation</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 8:03pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 6:00pm<b>nerdtron430</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 5:49am<b>mikelangele</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 1:34am<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 9:39am<b>bellawood</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 2:08am<b>draftskink</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 11:26pm<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 11:53am<b>Gladeryn</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 7:42pm<b>Elban</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 1:57pm<b>lexid17</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 12:05pm<b>Mishkaaxx</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 5:44pm<b>futureot1</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 8:57pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 1:23pm

Fucked!<b>bellawood</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 8:08am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 6:52am<b>AddictGamer</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 5:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 12:31pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 3:05am<b>CandyDawg</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 6:07am<b>keithsbooty</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 1:51am<b>lovely_mess3</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 3:52am<b>cottoncandylips</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 4:09am<b>missa8604</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 2:38pm<b>notlovely</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 8:45am<b>summer135790</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 3:09am<b>juststephhere</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 7:48pm<b>isabella1501</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 6:42pm

brandoneyez1's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

See all of brandoneyez1's badges

brandoneyez1's favorite FMLs

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML


I agree, your life sucks (48445) - you deserved it (14502)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59511) - you deserved it (15457)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20232) - you deserved it (40065)

On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: