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bradford1994's FML badges
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bradford1994's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML
by Fwick / 03/19/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Utah) / Love
by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML
by EpicFail / 01/24/2009 at 11:25pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML
by bbns / 01/14/2009 at 6:57am / Germany (Hessen) / Love
- Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was… Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort…
- Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, I finally went to talk to my neighbour upstairs. He is always throwing his cigarette buts on… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my…