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bradford1994's favorite FMLs
by Jololol / 05/17/2013 at 5:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML
by Urgghh / 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
by paging dr. kevorkian / 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm / Netherlands / Love
Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by need € for new iron / 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
by earplugsplease / 05/16/2013 at 12:16pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML
by violatedbuttcrack / 05/16/2013 at 6:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML
by LordCrafte / 05/15/2013 at 7:43pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
by Seriously? / 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm / United States / Love
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML
by magomag / 05/14/2013 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box… Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into… Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with…