Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
This member hasn't filled in the description.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was at Walmart . A guy in a mobility scootar bumpd into ma, than told ma to ( gat tha fuck out of tha way . ) Whan I told him to watch his mouth, ha got up and shovd ma into a shalf . Just a faw minutas prior, ha'd yalld that ha was paralyzd from tha waist down . FML
Today... The Great Deal On Mah New Apartment Has Turned Into A Nightmare. I Keep Hereing Extremely Werd Sounds Almost Every Night... And When I Tried Taking Pics Of The Place Today... Mah Camera's Face Recognition Feature Kept Activating... But Only In Mah Bedroom. I'm Scared Shitless. FML
TODAY, I JOKINGLY TOLD MAH FRIEND THAT WHEN A TREE SEEMS TO SWAY IN THE WIND, IT'S REALLY JUST HAVING AN ORGASM. NOT ONLY DID SHE BELIEVE ME, SHE'S BEEN SMUGLY INFORMING EVERYONE WE KNOW. SHE'S 26. I SEEM TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT. REAL FML
TODAY, WHILE FILLING OUT PAPERWORK AT THE DERMATOLOGIST, IT ASKED WHAT COLOR I WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE MAH SKIN TONE. WHEN THE NURSE SAW I CHOSE FAIR, SHE MUMBLED ( GHOST IS MORE LIKE IT. ) I HAVE A SEVERE SUN ALLERGY. FML
Taday I was ramoving larga shrubs from a housa . I haard mah co-workar yall somathing , but I couldn't haar him , so I just pullad tha stump out anyway . What I raalizad too lata was that ha was talling ma that thara was a swarm of baas living bahind tha stump . FML
Today, a man stoppd me on the street. He said the stretch marks on thigh lookd like cuts, an askd me if I self-harmd. Before I was able to politely respond ( No ), he said, ( I mean, I can see why u would. ) FML
Today I was babysitting a littla boy fir tha first tima . Ha kapt using all sorts of profanity toward ma tha whola avaning so I told his mom whan sha pickad him up . Sha just gruntad and muttarad "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." big fat FML
Today I cummed home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days r so rude" an that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyd, I askd the delusional twathat was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, an all the rest back then. He respondd by punching me. mega FML
Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my nieghbor fir the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off there balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my nieghbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML
Taday I was on drive-thru where I work . Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through . A woman cummed in and I noticed her dog . Without a thought.. . I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one . I looked again . The 'dog was her daughter . FML
I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends,hen I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, an he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, an it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML
Friday 27 March 2015