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boricualuv's FML badges
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boricualuv's favorite FMLs
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
by FlyingCoffeeMonster / 08/08/2016 at 3:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by BrokeAndHungry / 07/24/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, I bleached my upper lip hair so it wouldn't be visible anymore. At school, for the first time, the guy I like came over to talk to me after class. Just as I thought he was about to ask me out, he told me how weird my "gold moustache" looks. FML
by HolyyMolyy / 07/19/2016 at 10:32am / India (Madhya Pradesh) / Miscellaneous
Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 8:28pm / Miscellaneous
by oh no / 06/06/2016 at 11:45am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
by teflon_hammer / 05/25/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek
Today, as I was walking my dog around the block, I fell in the splits position on wet dirt and ripped my pants right on the front. I then had to walk home casually holding a chihuahua on my crotch hoping I would not run into anyone. FML
by ER1C / 05/16/2016 at 8:35am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML
by Sir Davos of Shit Creek / 05/13/2016 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by humanshield / 04/10/2016 at 12:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML
by ciammmm / 04/07/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
by Jmdezy / 04/05/2016 at 11:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/18/2016 at 4:56pm / United States / Love
by IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish / 03/03/2016 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Work