If you know me, then you do. If you want to, then go ahead. I won't stop you. =]
Today, I got a biology quiz back. I had drawn a dinosaur on the back of the page, asking for extra credit. When my teacher handed it to me, I turned it over to see that he had drawn a caveman shooting arrows at my dinosaur. It was bleeding. Profusely. I didn't get the extra credit. FML
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On 01/14/2010 at 9:06pm - work - by Halpal (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML
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On 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by notsohot (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML
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On 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by roadbikemama (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML
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On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - misc - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
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On 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm - kids - by holy (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML
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On 10/20/2009 at 12:26am - health - by 20lbknockout (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at a store and came across a Halloween candy isle. I got so excited that I began talking to the candy, in a fake British accent. FML
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On 10/18/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by mojozk (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a happy meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML
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On 10/17/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by paris78 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
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On 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
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On 10/16/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by xXx (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
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On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML
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On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by poop (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML
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On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML
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On 10/10/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
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On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
