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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44090) - you deserved it (10687)
On 05/05/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by airborne (man) - United States (California)
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8683) - you deserved it (33670)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38912) - you deserved it (6297)
On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (156012) - you deserved it (31492)
On 05/05/2009 at 11:37am - animals - by Rhyno - United States (New York)
Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21101) - you deserved it (41857)
On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44650) - you deserved it (7340)
On 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by dramateach11 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47915) - you deserved it (3390)
On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by happyeffingbday202 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (168008) - you deserved it (15359)
On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54577) - you deserved it (7948)
On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101758) - you deserved it (7761)
On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (48094)
On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - work - by ex-employee (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML
I agree, your life sucks (50634) - you deserved it (4145)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by nhanley1 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19342) - you deserved it (37046)
On 04/02/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML
I agree, your life sucks (56013) - you deserved it (5348)
On 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7914) - you deserved it (85563)
On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
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