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Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39187) - you deserved it (2139)
On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States
Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33253) - you deserved it (10345)
On 05/14/2013 at 7:32am - misc - by ktorih137 - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57463) - you deserved it (8153)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54533) - you deserved it (9166)
On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55011) - you deserved it (3081)
On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60313) - you deserved it (5770)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32272) - you deserved it (2821)
On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39562) - you deserved it (4880)
On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32252) - you deserved it (14644)
On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my prom dress finally arrived. My prom was yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43454) - you deserved it (9082)
On 03/15/2013 at 3:09am - misc - by ipaid350dollarsfornothing - Qatar
Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36260) - you deserved it (7344)
On 03/10/2013 at 9:40am - intimacy - by cremyfrozentreat - United States (Florida)
Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6908) - you deserved it (51103)
On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41880) - you deserved it (2385)
On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46535) - you deserved it (3137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25535) - you deserved it (15159)
On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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