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bonniebh's FML badges
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bonniebh's favorite FMLs
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
by and she doesn't even give bjs / 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Love
by daddy's girl / 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by sarah6786 / 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by bull-stuff / 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML
by Amy / 01/10/2013 at 12:09am / United States / Intimacy
by lol112 / 06/02/2012 at 8:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
by NaomiMadison / 07/30/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Kids
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML
by feelinblue / 06/23/2009 at 7:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by spanishteach / 05/07/2009 at 10:50am / United States (New York) / Kids
- Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it… Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of… Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed…