I'm Simon. FML.
Today, I took a bath with what I thought was my waterproof vibrator. It wasn't. Apparently my boyfriend found me passed out in the tub from an electric shock with my vibrator floating next to me. He refused to call a doctor and insisted on interrogating me about what he's doing wrong in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38498) - you totally deserved it (30288)
On 05/01/2009 at 5:46am - misc - by uhoh (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I got kicked in the face at a soccer game. Everybody clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49344) - you totally deserved it (5809)
On 04/26/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by Tal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was on the London underground. My feet were aching, so I really wanted a seat. A mother and child got off the train and I heard her say, 'why didn't you wait?' Going to sit down I wondered what he was supposed to wait for, then proceeded to sit in his (still warm) piss. FML
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On 04/26/2009 at 8:55am - kids - by stephanielouisee.x (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
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On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44194) - you totally deserved it (2279)
On 04/24/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by baddream (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53533) - you totally deserved it (5247)
On 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
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On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
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On 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML
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On 04/22/2009 at 12:09am - love - by misterhippo (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by pinkblankets (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 4:49am - health - by Legal (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, at the rehearsal for my wedding, my mother told my bride's mother to fuck off. FML
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On 04/17/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML
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On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63174) - you totally deserved it (2412)
On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by shiftybizniss - Canada (Ontario)
