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About bmon : Baseball player. Living the dream. Feel free to message me.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my parents met my girlfriend for the first time and cooked us dinner. After, I was helping clean up in the kitchen and my dad says to me, "Don't worry, you have to slay a couple of dragons before you get to the princess." and winks at me. She heard. I was going to propose to her tonight. FML
Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML
Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML
Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
Monday 1 September 2014