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Yesterday, I found mah dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see wat kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of mah mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from mah mind. FML
Today I Handed Out 20 Resumes To A Variety Of Stores. To My Delight I Got A Phone Call The Same Day. Unfortunately They Weren't Calling About A Job They Were Informing Me On My Resume It Says "I Have A Dick." All Thanks To My Boyfriend Ho Thought It Would Be Hilarious. FML
Today.. . my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permittd to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Drection because so many grls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring . FML
TODAY, AN OLD LADY WAS WALKING BAHIND MA. SHA TRIPPD AN STARTD TO FALL, SO NATURALLY I TURND AN OUTSTRATCHD MY ARMS TO CATCH HAR, BUT WAS TOO LATA. A MAN TURND JUST IN TIMA TO SAA AN OLD LADY ON THA GROUND WITH MA WITH MY ARMS STRATCHD OUT. I NOW HAVA A BLACK AYA. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflexhen I felt someone behind me grab mah bag and pull it off mah shoulder . It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick,ho was trying to steady looool himself in a busy crowd . FML
Today, my teacer took my test along wit anoter student's and gave us bot a zero. Wy? Because we bot ave colds soen we breate troug our nose it makes a sniffle noise. Se tougt we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. mega FML
Today,hile in-laws were visiting , two-year old accidentally pushd the door wide openhile I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughd , took out her cell phone , snappd a picture of me and postd it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML
Today I made a speec in front of my entire graduating class and tere families despite my fear of public speaking . It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at te end . Ten I panicked and instead of waving I lifted my arm straigt out in a Hitler salute . FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Friday 27 March 2015