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blueyes909

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blueyes909

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 994
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About blueyes909 : All of these FML's are hilarious and troubling at the same time! Haha(:

blueyes909's page activity

Visits<b>andy594328</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 11:19am<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 12:11pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 12:46pm

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blueyes909's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23358) - you deserved it (21378)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

#21246432
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28453) - you deserved it (6859)

On 08/27/2014 at 1:19pm - misc - by spark - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38445) - you deserved it (6646)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of bordom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40502) - you deserved it (6782)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41092) - you deserved it (7288)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39042) - you deserved it (5271)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

#21241406
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61401) - you deserved it (4083)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:15am - health - by BagelTheOtaku (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

#21236566
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39756) - you deserved it (4524)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37502) - you deserved it (23005)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

#21223271
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33675) - you deserved it (8780)

On 07/28/2014 at 4:47pm - work - by dorrisdoes - New Zealand

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56302) - you deserved it (41669)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

#21208053
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46248) - you deserved it (4453)

On 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)



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