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blueyes909

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blueyes909

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1203
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About blueyes909 : All of these FML's are hilarious and troubling at the same time! Haha(:

blueyes909's page activity

Visits<b>thatchick1405</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 2:51am<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 10:41pm<b>andy594328</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 8:44pm<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 12:11pm

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blueyes909's favorite FMLs

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19912) - you deserved it (26276)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24735) - you deserved it (10235)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33527) - you deserved it (6870)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

#21285028
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31497) - you deserved it (4216)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm - work - by not on life, that's for fucking sure (man) - United States

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34338) - you deserved it (10497)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35267) - you deserved it (2690)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

#21280487
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37757) - you deserved it (2554)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

#21279849
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35456) - you deserved it (3507)

On 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by katsaysner - United States (Maine)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25712) - you deserved it (51503)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34285) - you deserved it (3029)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

#21276226
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35520) - you deserved it (3541)

On 10/12/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Mc2013 (woman) - United States

Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36797) - you deserved it (4902)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31774) - you deserved it (18697)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML



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