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blueuc75's favorite FMLs
by fsdjhgasjlhg / 08/03/2013 at 2:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML
by right / 08/02/2013 at 10:08am / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Intimacy
Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML
by brokeandalone / 07/30/2013 at 1:09am / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 10:31am / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Work
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
by Dirty_Mind_69 / 07/20/2013 at 4:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by imawesomeokay / 07/20/2013 at 1:53am / Mexico (Jalisco) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/19/2013 at 4:57pm / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Love
by OnPlanetVenus / 07/04/2013 at 12:41am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML
by really? / 05/28/2013 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2013 at 11:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 9:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm / United States / Love
- Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…