I love this website. It makes my life seem ohh so much better. FML
Today, one of the psych patients I work with on a locked unit looked into my eyes and told me lovingly that I reminded him of his sister. The sister he killed after he raped her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86467) - you totally deserved it (2303)
On 05/08/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by leideigh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (94315) - you totally deserved it (5635)
On 04/29/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by fingerfuckd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51837) - you totally deserved it (3761)
On 04/27/2009 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by tara22 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4813) - you totally deserved it (46255)
On 04/27/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by silentbutdeadly (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend of two years, who is a fabulous guitarist and singer, told me he wrote me a song. I was so excited. Turns out it was a break up song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45533) - you totally deserved it (2161)
On 04/27/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you totally deserved it (9298)
On 04/27/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14986) - you totally deserved it (79827)
On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14718) - you totally deserved it (37421)
On 04/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by xnickx (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (158769) - you totally deserved it (10776)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22604) - you totally deserved it (242819)
On 03/15/2009 at 1:47pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78316) - you totally deserved it (5889)
On 03/10/2009 at 10:53pm - intimacy - by petpeeeve (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (385017) - you totally deserved it (67450)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (329007) - you totally deserved it (18769)
On 02/10/2009 at 6:06pm - intimacy - by misc (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (487468) - you totally deserved it (31039)
On 02/09/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
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