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bllmkjj

Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 6:02pm) | Search for a member

bllmkjj

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  • Number of visits : 132
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>AlphaCodeBlack</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 11:05pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 12:55am<b>the_rude_dude</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 2:21pm<b>sacrosanct2</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 4:11am

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bllmkjj's favorite FMLs

Today, it seems to have got to the point where I take fleas off my cat so often that I now have dreams about finding the biggest and most perfect flea. FML

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56205) - you deserved it (9321)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

#20556707
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50643) - you deserved it (3067)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

#18255063
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35922) - you deserved it (18861)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy (woman) - United States

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31012) - you deserved it (89790)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
502 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12217) - you deserved it (221437)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

#13883549
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31896) - you deserved it (3575)

On 11/18/2010 at 12:04am - health - by twice-a-day (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML

#13485741
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8147) - you deserved it (51607)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Nobody - United States (Texas)

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41490) - you deserved it (4505)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18802) - you deserved it (35616)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

#4734669
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43935) - you deserved it (22545)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

#843065
682 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33384) - you deserved it (484378)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

#219438
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6363) - you deserved it (60897)

On 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by anashaalmajiid (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (481621) - you deserved it (45995)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)



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