About blazon_paradox : Mimble wimble...
blazon_paradox's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
blazon_paradox's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 3:21am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Geek
by me / 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
by anonymous / 08/19/2013 at 1:41am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML
by MarissaKayleen / 08/12/2013 at 6:06am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML
by Stacy / 07/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States / Love
Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Mylifesucks / 05/23/2013 at 1:11am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML
by lez probs / 05/18/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
by zahra_786 / 04/11/2013 at 5:11am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML
by WildaRora / 03/14/2013 at 3:19am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love
- Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw… Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings… Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera.…