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blazon_paradox

Offline (the 10/16/2014 at 5:12am) | Search for a member

blazon_paradox

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Saturday 22 April 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 621
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 4 posted

About blazon_paradox : Mimble wimble...

blazon_paradox's page activity

Visits<b>Bukowskiwasanass</b> - 3 hours ago<b>chattysoul890</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 5:27pm<b>Dro23</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 4:55pm<b>morlogg</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:52pm<b>CuntBlaster</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 1:06am<b>Vanshikap</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 12:16am<b>sallee23444</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Squtchy</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 6:50pm<b>billy_blayze</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:57pm<b>staaacey</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 7:29am<b>justawallflower</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 10:11pm<b>FireLightEyes</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:53pm<b>tyler3beeching</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 11:59pm<b>sonnyngoc</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 11:00am<b>flufee2</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 11:35pm<b>hopsinlove17</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 10:47pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 9:03pm<b>coried91</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 11:34am

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blazon_paradox's favorite FMLs

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

#20848315
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43789) - you deserved it (21562)

On 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by me (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

#20844156
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46239) - you deserved it (2644)

On 08/19/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

#20778979
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63553) - you deserved it (4745)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:22am - love - by Stacy (woman) - United States

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

#20719355
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62279) - you deserved it (4175)

On 06/11/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

#20681121
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46015) - you deserved it (2984)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Mylifesucks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

#20679725
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55161) - you deserved it (4647)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51362) - you deserved it (19579)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44537) - you deserved it (8389)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79818) - you deserved it (8244)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31266) - you deserved it (5894)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

#20540752
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33504) - you deserved it (5049)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41310) - you deserved it (3829)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, I discovered that the neck injury that my mom has had since last week was planned just as an excuse not to shovel when today's snowstorm came. She has planned on being lazy for over a week now. FML

#20533403
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26035) - you deserved it (2673)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Drew (man) - United States (Virginia)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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