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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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blairbeartmp

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blairbeartmp
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 711
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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blairbeartmp's favorite FMLs

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (37366) - you deserved it (9231)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (44799) - you deserved it (3099)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283 (135)

I agree, your life sucks (39397) - you deserved it (2094)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

#3830576 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (21342) - you deserved it (61694)

On 07/17/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by anonamous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

#2842632 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (17199) - you deserved it (53197)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by Paco4242 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839 (290)

I agree, your life sucks (98220) - you deserved it (5700)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949 (271)

I agree, your life sucks (17680) - you deserved it (62746)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I spotted one of my close friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I decided to creep up behind him, grab his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man voice "give me all your money!". Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

#1242967 (224)

I agree, your life sucks (7818) - you deserved it (49115)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

#1214403 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (50594) - you deserved it (4433)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:24am - misc - by 11321 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (27967) - you deserved it (70772)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

#1182028 (639)

I agree, your life sucks (42009) - you deserved it (21575)

On 04/21/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

#1177912 (247)

I agree, your life sucks (42285) - you deserved it (17348)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was at the gynocologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

#1153629 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (59512) - you deserved it (2982)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:55pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

#1076233 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (38069) - you deserved it (10990)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML

#859604 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (54966) - you deserved it (134476)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)