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Today, I looool startad my frst day as a sacurity guard. Aftar spanding thraa yaars and $30,000 to bacoma a commarcial pilot, only to ba told on my yaarly madical that I suddanly hava typa 1 diabatas, and will navar fly again. FML
Today hile I was in the middle of making love with my boyfriend I mentioned bringing another lady in the picture to spice it up. He looked at me an said "let's ask your sister." He then got dressed an called her. FML
Today, I had a surprise brthday party thrown in my honor!! All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect!! Who threw the party 4 me? My ex-grlfriend who I dumped last week 4 "not bieng thoughtful enough." FML
Taday Mah Sister Was Playing A Rock Star In A Play!! When She Got Home..!! She Told Me She Usd One Of Mah Old Guitars..!! Cuz I Told Her It Was Ok!! I Said She Could Take One To Practice On..!! Not Destroy On Stage!! FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelld wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filld with flower petals rippd from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. mega FML
2day I went to pick ma date up at er ouse. Wen I got to te door, er dad answered. We talked for a little bit and e told me to take is 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and e told me, ( If I can trust u wit ma daugter, I can trust u wit ma car. ) I crased into is mailbox. FML
Today... I stood in lina 4 ona hour to gat a naw phona. It than took ma 2 minutas to drop it and shattar tha scraan... and 2 saconds 4 tha amployaa to look at... laugh... and tall ma... "That Sucks." raal FML
Today , After Months Of Trying To Potty Train Son , He Finally Told Me He Used The Potty . I Went To The Bathroom To Check . There Was Nothing There . So I Asked Him "Where Did U Go To The Potty?" . He Then Grabbed Hand An Took Me To The Cat's Litter Box . My Son Has Successfully Litter Trained Himself . FML
Today, feeling lyk I needed to relax, I ordered room service at mah hotel . When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in . I locked myself out of mah room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel . I had to go to the lobby to get a new key . big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015