About blackwidowtaco : Shit happens.
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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blackwidowtaco's favorite FMLs
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 7:29pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that I have been playing a little too much Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I realized this when I was watching a youtube video and there was someone walking in the background who I impulsively tried to gun down and kill by moving my mouse over him and clicking repeatedly. FML
by Laughluv / 01/02/2010 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
by Dontworryaboutit / 12/28/2009 at 5:16am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML
by eliteslayer29 / 12/21/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by graospe / 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by cookscatastrophy / 12/08/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by niquey62307 / 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
by annonymous / 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching my 7 year old daughter and her friend jump on our trampoline. I was really impressed by all the flips they were doing, and I told her "Hey! I can't even do that." To that her friend replied " Of course you can't. You're fat!" FML
by madeyoulaugh / 11/25/2009 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy
by fail / 11/19/2009 at 1:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML
by disheshateme / 11/18/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by loldick / 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…