Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (21 hours ago) | Search for a member
About blackonblight : Not much to say, diagnosed Aspergers Syndrome, depression, anxiety, social phobia, I'm a walking stereotype of the crazy girl who always has a book, almost never talks, and spends the day locked in her room with her cats.
Also cluster headaches.
Apparently evolution really doesn't want me reproducing.
That's fine, I'm asexual. Aromantic too. Still got the capacity for aesthetic appreciation, and I do melt over certain voices. I just have no desire to press my squishy bits against another's, nor do I feel like I need a significant other to be complete. I understand that it appeals to others, and that is fine. It is not for me.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML
Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML
Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML
Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML
Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML
Friday 26 June 2015