Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About blackheart24 : I'm an electric guitarist in a rock band, a singer/songwriter, and a badass at basketball. I am a certified grease monkey (also known as a mechanic), and me and my band do gigs for a lil extra cash. I dig the music scene, but I ain't all emo and shit, and I am actually a pretty smart dude. I am a huge fan of Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and lots of 80's hairbands like Poison, Bon Jovi and Motley Crüe, and I hate those sparkling Twilight fags and Justin Beiber. Message me if you wanna know more, but I do use the app a lot so I may not get it for a while.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML
Friday 18 July 2014