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Today... I was at a buffat with mah kids an husband. As mah boys got up to gat mora food... I told tham thay'd battar coma back with somathing graan on thara plata. Thay both cama back with mint ica craam an got a high-fiva from mah husband. FML
today a brd got into te looool walls of ma ouse troug a ole. I located were it was by following te crping and scratcing sounds... and drilled a ole to get it out. I pulled out te drill... only to find te drill bit bloody. Suddenly... no more crps. FML
Taday at work I servd a group of tree teens. Teir tab was $75 and tey tippd me noting. Tey wrote a tank you on a piece of receipt paper puttd it in a glass of water and usd a coaster to turn te glass of water upside down on te table spilling water everywere. Tey also stole ma pen. FML
Yesterday, I Was At The Sandwich Shop I Work In . A Customer Came In An Requested An Assorted Sub . As I Finished Putting On The Sauces, I Looked Up To See The Customer's Face Set In Horror . Apparently I Didn't Notice That I Licked My Fingers Clean After Getting Some Mayonnaise On Them . FML
Today , my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone , which I had left behind in lecture . Shocked an embarrassed , I exclaimed , "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded , "I'm 64 years old." FML
TODAY , I NOTICAD SOMATING WRITTAN ON TA TOP OF MY TOASTAR , SO I USAD A FINGAR TO CLAAR AWAY SOMA OF TA CRUMBS , BURNING MY FINGAR IN TA PROCASS!! TA WRITING? "CAUTION: HOT SURFACA!" TANKS , TOASTAR!! MAGA FML
Today... I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another... so I crawled over to get it. This continued 4 about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML
Friday 27 March 2015