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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 444
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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bjoernabee's page activity

Visits<b>hippobottomjeans</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 1:36am<b>M3DO</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 2:21am<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 3:00am<b>sugoi72</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 5:23pm<b>sstahpp</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 11:28am<b>vaxc</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 8:55pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 5:16am<b>cupcake1126</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 10:15pm<b>yellowchocobo</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 8:24pm<b>TrecatXX</b> - the 04/22/2013 at 10:12pm<b>cdsg23</b> - the 06/03/2012 at 9:53am

bjoernabee's FML badges

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bjoernabee's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML

by henley / 07/22/2012 at 9:33pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 12:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

by lissysue1 / 07/12/2012 at 3:23pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm / Intimacy

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

by Rohirus / 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm / Sweden / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

by gimmeasalad / 04/21/2012 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

by PUA / 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

by anon / 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

by coldwetnose / 05/09/2011 at 2:08am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

by uhoh901 / 03/25/2010 at 7:07am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy