Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

bizarre_ftw

Search for a member

bizarre_ftw

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 14 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8684
  • Number of comments : 2169
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 48 posted

About bizarre_ftw : I'm: unusual, nuts, crazy in the best of ways, a seasoned mistake maker, too curious for my own good, and outside the box to the point of being in a different reality

My skills include but are not limited to: glass blowing and molding, painting, acting, writing, a little bit of modeling, giving massages, running in heels, drawing, cherry stem tying with my highly skilled tongue, pool/billiards, swimming, talking, cooking, etc..

Skills I plan to have: skydiving, cage diving, contortionism, knife throwing, and so much more

I love sharks, I plan to be a marine biologist, I have an hourglass figure, a near perfect hip to waist ratio (bragging is good for the soul, or at least ego, I have no soul, I sold it for lunch last week ^_^)
- i'm tattooed, fear me

I love all intellectual and artistic pursuits, and meeting people

I'm either funny or I fail miserably (which in its own right is funny) i'm good either way.

Email: oceanchild116@yahoo.com ... Let's see what happens :)

bizarre_ftw's page activity

Visits<b>freezingmylife</b> - yesterday at 3:10pm<b>vicious_fashion</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 10:47am<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 4:05am<b>bscott19</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 11:49pm<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 4:54pm<b>FaultInMyStars</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 3:53pm<b>lougled</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 12:11am<b>charissaoz</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 2:26pm<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 8:45am<b>randomweirdo</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 3:05pm<b>justanotherrr</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 7:32am<b>abattior</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 4:41pm<b>CrazyZebra</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 5:07am<b>drummer1017</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:00am<b>edvin</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 8:29am<b>princessluka</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 8:11am<b>thirdwheel69</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 10:02am<b>Imjuststr8n4sty</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 3:13am

bizarre_ftw's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of bizarre_ftw's badges

bizarre_ftw's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

#20141262
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24487) - you deserved it (3004)

On 10/31/2012 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

#20140711
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20723) - you deserved it (1485)

On 10/30/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

#20140639
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25182) - you deserved it (1935)

On 10/30/2012 at 7:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26497) - you deserved it (2537)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10346) - you deserved it (70098)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10210) - you deserved it (40545)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25579) - you deserved it (2376)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28955) - you deserved it (2809)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28600) - you deserved it (4784)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

#20138046
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20133) - you deserved it (1260)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by tcm123 - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18413) - you deserved it (3592)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

#20135671
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9013) - you deserved it (32831)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27485) - you deserved it (4460)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28575) - you deserved it (1498)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

#20127118
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20830) - you deserved it (1900)

On 10/21/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by HOPE YOU GET PEGGED (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: