bizarre_ftw

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bizarre_ftw

36Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 14 August 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 14095
  • Number of comments : 2169
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 48 posted

About bizarre_ftw : I'm: unusual, nuts, crazy in the best of ways, a seasoned mistake maker, too curious for my own good, and outside the box to the point of being in a different reality

My skills include but are not limited to: glass blowing and molding, painting, acting, writing, a little bit of modeling, giving massages, running in heels, drawing, cherry stem tying with my highly skilled tongue, pool/billiards, swimming, talking, cooking, etc..

Skills I plan to have: skydiving, cage diving, contortionism, knife throwing, and so much more

I love sharks, I plan to be a marine biologist, I have an hourglass figure, a near perfect hip to waist ratio (bragging is good for the soul, or at least ego, I have no soul, I sold it for lunch last week ^_^)
- i'm tattooed, fear me

I love all intellectual and artistic pursuits, and meeting people

I'm either funny or I fail miserably (which in its own right is funny) i'm good either way.

Email: oceanchild116@yahoo.com ... Let's see what happens :)

bizarre_ftw's page activity

Visits<b>Mdon0719</b> - 8 hours ago<b>_kristaaxo</b> - yesterday at 2:29am<b>Talis99</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 8:57pm<b>turdwrangler</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 4:42pm<b>melons</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 9:01pm<b>larathedemondog</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 5:58pm<b>konan__</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 2:31am<b>pred8885</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 9:05am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 1:39pm<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 6:10pm<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 4:57am<b>rissamarie</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 5:06pm<b>RabijaBegic56</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 7:37pm<b>JPatBirm</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 11:42am<b>vincentjules</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 9:19pm<b>19Gardiner32</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 8:38pm<b>CaptMacLeod</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 4:25pm<b>racerboy102</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 7:28pm

Fucked!<b>RabijaBegic56</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:37am<b>CaptMacLeod</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 10:26pm<b>Redfox712</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 7:55pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:48am<b>spn_fanboy14</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:19pm<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 8:46pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 11:00pm<b>fatman1970</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 9:37am<b>dno79</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 1:56pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 7:13pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 4:17pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:06am<b>Skarlun</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 11:16pm<b>mongoosemike</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 12:49am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 6:50pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:43am<b>mehibud</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 2:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 10:51pm

bizarre_ftw's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of bizarre_ftw's badges

bizarre_ftw's favorite FMLs

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

by maconda99 / 04/05/2009 at 11:14pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 12:17am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

by Nick / 03/16/2009 at 1:08am / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML

by danmarino / 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

by Can't Spell Worth A Damn / 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

by saddude / 03/04/2009 at 2:03am / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

by Stairway2Heaven / 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

by Picaresque / 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

by catfish / 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

by Anonn / 02/23/2009 at 8:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

by schellbytheseashore / 02/21/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Illinois) / Love