bizarre_ftw

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bizarre_ftw

36Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 14 August 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 14135
  • Number of comments : 2169
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 48 posted

About bizarre_ftw : I'm: unusual, nuts, crazy in the best of ways, a seasoned mistake maker, too curious for my own good, and outside the box to the point of being in a different reality

My skills include but are not limited to: glass blowing and molding, painting, acting, writing, a little bit of modeling, giving massages, running in heels, drawing, cherry stem tying with my highly skilled tongue, pool/billiards, swimming, talking, cooking, etc..

Skills I plan to have: skydiving, cage diving, contortionism, knife throwing, and so much more

I love sharks, I plan to be a marine biologist, I have an hourglass figure, a near perfect hip to waist ratio (bragging is good for the soul, or at least ego, I have no soul, I sold it for lunch last week ^_^)
- i'm tattooed, fear me

I love all intellectual and artistic pursuits, and meeting people

I'm either funny or I fail miserably (which in its own right is funny) i'm good either way.

Email: oceanchild116@yahoo.com ... Let's see what happens :)

bizarre_ftw's page activity

Visits<b>sadistmonkey</b> - 10 hours ago<b>Mdon0719</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 11:18pm<b>_kristaaxo</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 2:29am<b>Talis99</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 8:57pm<b>turdwrangler</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 4:42pm<b>melons</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 9:01pm<b>larathedemondog</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 5:58pm<b>konan__</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 2:31am<b>pred8885</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 9:05am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 1:39pm<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 6:10pm<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 4:57am<b>rissamarie</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 5:06pm<b>RabijaBegic56</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 7:37pm<b>JPatBirm</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 11:42am<b>vincentjules</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 9:19pm<b>19Gardiner32</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 8:38pm<b>CaptMacLeod</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 4:25pm

Fucked!<b>RabijaBegic56</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:37am<b>CaptMacLeod</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 10:26pm<b>Redfox712</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 7:55pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:48am<b>spn_fanboy14</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:19pm<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 8:46pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 11:00pm<b>fatman1970</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 9:37am<b>dno79</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 1:56pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 7:13pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 4:17pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:06am<b>Skarlun</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 11:16pm<b>mongoosemike</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 12:49am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 6:50pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:43am<b>mehibud</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 2:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 10:51pm

bizarre_ftw's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of bizarre_ftw's badges

bizarre_ftw's favorite FMLs

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

by mcullen21 / 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

by apav / 06/11/2009 at 7:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

by anonymous / 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

by sluttydancer / 06/10/2009 at 9:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

by thanksbaby / 06/01/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

by satanlovesme / 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

by pa / 05/21/2009 at 9:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

by chaos2007 / 05/13/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I ran into a girl I used to go to school with. We went out for dinner to catch up, and we ended up at my house, watching movies and cuddling. This fantastic and spontaneous date was concluded with several kisses. I dropped her off at her car and drove off. I forgot to get her number. FML

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

by vinniesuckmadack / 04/24/2009 at 1:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

by raynbowsend / 04/23/2009 at 1:22am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Work

Today, I was going on a plane to Chicago. My passport picture is 6 years old, and back then I was a beautiful model. Now, I gave birth to a child and gained 50 lbs. When I showed my passport to the airport atendents, I got arrested for stealing someones passport. FML

by chococool223 / 04/12/2009 at 6:51am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

by cxcrktkt / 04/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

by boyfriendless / 04/10/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy